my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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