Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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