sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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