For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
