We got so high we made milksteak
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
