We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
