I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
