Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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