my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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