i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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