that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
