the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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