you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
