She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
