I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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