do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
