your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
