Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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