My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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