he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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