I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
