Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i will never coherently bang her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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