what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
