you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
