no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
