Your dad touched me again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
