eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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