She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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