If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
