highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
