The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
