I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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