I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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