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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
