His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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