My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Randomize
