Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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