dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
