i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
