The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
