My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
