Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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