Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
