The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want a musical about memes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
