i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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