ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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