the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
