I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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