i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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