Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I die, sorry about rent.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
