This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
