Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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