Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
