I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
