You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
