$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
