Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
