so explain again why im purple
no
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
