Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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