just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
