I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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