How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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