He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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