you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
