You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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