He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
