I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
