o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
