you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
