Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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