Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
