so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
